Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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