Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
