would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
