i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
