Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
