K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
