Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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