stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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