In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
