Your mouth is God's brothel.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
