it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
