Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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