everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
