She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My liver just had a heart attack.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
