You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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