Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
