There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
