I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
