New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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