I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
