we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
