ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
