his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
