there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
