Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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