I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
