I wish I could punch you in the face.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
