I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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