she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
