you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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