I would go down on you faster than GM stock
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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