I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
