bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He kissed a someone with a penis
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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