It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
