i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
