gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
