Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
