The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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