how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
