Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
