thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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