wakey wakey hands off snakey
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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