I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Did we literally take a cab across the street
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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