She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
