he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
