You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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