Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
