His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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