My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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