those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
two words: eviction party
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
