The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
