Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Randomize
