I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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