from now on my penis is your penis
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
