I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
