I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
