spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
