Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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