my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
How naked do you want me to be?
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