She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I didn't notice because vodka
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
