new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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